Check out the prologue to "Alone In The Light" by clicking here

An excerpt from: Alone In The Light

Friday, December 10, 2021

'Twas the night for spatchcocking!

'Twas the night for spatchcocking! 


'Twas the night for spatchcocking, so let's crush this bird!
Before you get too excited, It's not a dirty word.
I flipped that bird over, and cut out its spine
Broke his meaty chest, and set him to brine!

His name is Lance and he's our main dinner feast
He's been brining for 48 hours - that big, sexy beast.
Buttermilk and salt, and maybe an herb...
All soak into the meat of this once noble bird.

The pie is baked, the potatoes are a boil
Time to head outside, and drop bird 2 in some oil!
Bird Number 2 is a sight to behold.
Coated and covered in all the sauce he can hold.

I've had enough bourbon to make this all fun
And not burn the house down before the bird is done...
In the oil I place the turkey just right... 
Sriracha and Bourbon? That shit is TIGHT!

The children are screaming and running amuck
They all want hotdogs, the ungrateful little... ahem... 
But we've got pie and drinks and friends a-plenty
I haven't had this much fun since before 2020.

Angie's mashed the taters and she's drinking some wine
I've got double-birds cooking and I'm feeling quite fine
We cook, we drink, and we do a little dance.
Because tonight's the night we get to eat LANCE! 

The birds are all done, the friends are all here
It's time to eat Lance and have some holiday cheer!
I carve up the birds like some giant holiday elf
And I do it without once cutting myself.

We serve up the food, we hand out the drink
We marvel at all the dishes piling up in the sink
It doesn't matter, it's Friendsmas night!
And everything in the world seems all right.

"Hey, Ben!" someone shouts across the room
I turn and smile, and it's quiet as a tomb...
From outside in the drive I heard something rumble
I took to the door and with latch I did fumble.

I began to scream. I began to recoil... 
"Oh shit!" I shouted... I forgot to turn off the oil!

When the smoke cleared and the garage was but rubble
I went back to the house and poured me a double.
"Sit down," I said, to the onlooking masses.
Time to eat Lance, and fatten our asses!

"To Lance!" We all cheer and raised our glasses high
Tonight is for merriment, for turkey, for PIE!
The smoldering heap will be there tomorrow
Along with denied insurance and a shit ton of sorrow.

Go out there today! Eat, drink, and and be merry!
Forget the problems of every Tom, Dick, and Harry. 
It's time to relax, eat food, and not fight!
So Merry Christmas to all and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

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